In 2017, I became a Stay at Home Mom. This is a title I’m very proud of, and I’m so grateful that I’m able to have this role. On one hand, I get to be with my son 24/7 and watch him learn, grow, and enjoy life. But on the other hand, I get to be WITH MY SON 24/7 and serve him food, clean up said food, sing along with the lovely songs of his toys, and not take my eyes off of him (13 months is a wild age).
I love him and I love this life, but it’s not exactly what I expected. I had quite the transition from “Strong Independent Woman Who Don’t Need No Man” to full on “Slave To A Tiny Human.”
I’ve always been a working woman, and loved it. I love the interaction with people, making friends, and having my own money to do what I want. My mom always raised me to be independent, and I was so. Throughout college, I worked 2 jobs in addition to going to school full time and maintaining a social life. I mean, I was running on Starbucks and Red Bull most of the time, but I can’t say I didn’t like the hustle.
After a few years, a few cities, and more than a few jobs, I found myself in a position that I truly loved. I was working as a Recruiter for a staffing agency. Dream job? No. But fun, easy, challenging, and rewarding? Yes. I was happy and thought I had found the company I would be with for many years. There were talks of promotions and I was optimistic.
In November of 2016, I found out I was pregnant. I was SO ecstatic. Austin and I were ready (as ready as we’d ever be) and could not wait to start our family. The same exact week I saw that beautiful “PREGNANT” on my at home test, we found out Austin’s job would be moving him from Dallas to Houston.
I was so excited to be pregnant, it didn’t hit me that I’d have to quit my job until my last couple days there.
My last day was hard, y’all. Really hard.
I cried a lot. I’d blame it on pregnancy hormones, but I’m the world’s biggest cry baby even on a normal day. When it hit me that I would be giving up a job I really enjoyed, I didn’t know how to feel. I was happy for Austin, of course. But I was sad for me.
I also didn’t know what to do once we got to Houston. Get a job knowing I’d be on maternity leave in a few months? Or don’t bother and take this as an opportunity to stay home with my little one? Needless to say, I went with the stay at home wife (soon to be mom) life.
And trust me, that was a HARD decision for me to make.
But I was excited about my future role as SAHM. I’d spend my days nursing, playing with Jackson, working out during nap time, getting him dressed in the cutest outfits. Going on lunch dates with other moms, having play dates and adventures, and just living the dream.
I was ready.
If I only knew then what I know now.
Once I officially became a SAHM I was slapped in the face with reality. HARD. Nursing was a disaster, he had blow outs all over his cute outfits, he never fucking napped so I couldn’t even bathe let alone work out. I had zero friends being in a new city, so play dates were out of the question, and I didn’t even have the energy to get dressed to leave the house anyway.
I had clearly been living in a fantasy land thinking the SAHM life was going to be glamourous.
This shit is HARD.
Here are the top 5 things I didn’t expect about becoming a SAHM:
1. There is never enough time to do everything. I thought “the baby will nap, and I’ll get things done.” Well, my baby was not a napper. My house was never clean. I didn’t get to sit and eat 3 meals a day (or 1). I didn’t work out, or do laundry, or put makeup on, or shower. And even if he did nap, there would never be enough time to do it all.
2. It’s lonely. Whether you’re in a new place and don’t know anyone, like me, or not, the days can get lonely. You spend 24/7 with a baby who can’t talk back to you. Until they can, which is another struggle in itself. Those play dates and lunch dates and fun outings are more than likely going to be few and far between, if they happen at all. You start to just miss the world outside of your house.
3. It’s harder than a “regular” job. I can only speak from my own experience and the jobs I’ve had, but none of the many positions I’ve held can even hold a candle to being a SAHM. It is exhausting and that tiny little baby is more demanding than any boss you’ll ever have. You’ll have more on your plate than you think, and every single day presents a new challenge.
4. It can feel like you’ve lost your identity. I’ll be doing a future post about this, but becoming a full time slave to a tiny human can make you wonder how the woman you are now is the same woman you used to be. Changing and evolving is good, but you can quickly become an unrecognizable version of yourself.
5. It’s repetitive. This may seem obvious to some, but I truly didn’t realize how repetitive this role would be. Changing diapers, feeding, playing, changing clothes, preparing food, washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning up toys, singing and talking baby talk. ALL DAY EVERY DAY. How many times can I wash the same plates and read the same books? THOUSANDS, apparently. I’ve never had so much repetition in my life.
Now, I don’t intend to make being a SAHM sound awful. It’s not. It’s really the best “job” in the world and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But man, I just had no idea what I was truly getting myself into.
If you’re a soon to be SAHM, or a new SAHM, my advice to you is this: HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
Expect to be covered in spit up and poop when you want to be in a cute outfit for lunch and shopping. Expect to be stuck at home with a fussy, gassy, sleepy baby when you want to make it to that play date. Expect to be in your maternity clothes longer than you planned when you want to be working out and getting back into those pre-baby skinny jeans. Expect to have to stare at the sink full of dishes while you wear the same clothes for the third day in a row when you want to just shower and clean up.
Expect reality.
I had a wake up call, and I’m still getting adjusted to this life. I think many of us are. Going from being a working woman to a stay at home mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Despite the difficulties, I love this life. It is SO WORTH the struggle. It’s not for everyone, but if it’s the path you’re taking, be prepared. Make the most of it. Do your best to get out and take care of yourself, but also be OK with staying home and eating chips for lunch in your PJs. Because those days WILL happen. Cherish every day and always remember – you’ll never be able to get these moments with your little one back.
It may not be a glamourous life, but it sure is a beautiful one.
