6 weeks ago, I went “back” to work. I use the word “back” loosely, because we all know that staying home with kids IS, in fact, work. But, After 2 ½ years of being a stay at home wife/mom, I got a job. Like a job that earns a paycheck for hours worked. A job where I report to someone else. A job where I get to leave my freaking house. HALLELUJAH!
I’d been contemplating going back to work for several months, but childcare is so damn expensive I couldn’t justify it to myself. Who wants to work just for their whole check to go to childcare? Literally no one. It wasn’t until we made a huge move from Houston to Dallas in June that I started realizing that, for me, going to work wasn’t just about money.
You see, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Not for a second in my whole entire life did I ever WANT to be home raising kid(s). Yes, I wanted to HAVE kids, but I always pictured myself as the mom who’d be up at the crack of dawn packing lunches and getting backpacks ready before heading off to my own daily grind. I still want to be that mom, and getting out of my SAHM rut would be my first step back onto that path.
If you haven’t read about my journey to becoming a SAHM, check that out here.
During my time staying home with Jackson, I figured I’d go back to work some day. But for the time being, it just seemed easier to stay home. It was cheaper for me to stay home. There were less worries with me staying home. Not to mention, I never had a specific career path, so I didn’t even know what kind of job would be worthy of time away from my son. The whole thing just seemed so daunting, so I never made any progress. But I fantasized about a life where I’d have something that was my own. Where I had a real reason to put makeup on and get dressed for the day. Where I could talk to other adults about something other than our kids’ rotten behavior and eating habits. But all of that just remained an out of reach life that I envied.
Fast forward to June of this year. Austin’s new job moved us (again) to Dallas. We were more financially stable and I wanted to get Jackson in “school.” He was about to be 2 and had only been with me his whole life. Which, by the way, there is nothing wrong with. But like I said, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I felt like Jackson needed more than what I could give him at home. And that we both really needed some time apart. Within a few weeks, I found an amazing school and got Jackson enrolled. Everything seemed to be falling into place, and I finally had hope for my own path to develop.
Since I would finally have time to do something other than mom, it was the perfect time to get back into the workforce. I was more than ready, but my only concern? WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT TO DO?! Honestly, I still don’t fully know the answer to this question. But I knew for a fact that sitting at a desk behind a computer was just NOT for me. I decided that if I was going to put my energy and efforts into working for someone else, it damn sure better be doing something that means something to me. At the end of the day, I wasn’t willing to settle for any old job.
I needed to be able to use my creativity. I needed to have fun. I needed to do something positive for other people. I needed flexibility and to not be micromanaged. And I needed to learn and grow as a person.
Well, I found what I needed. Some might say I got lucky, but I believe everything happens for a reason. The perfect opportunity presented itself and I went full force ahead. And I won. I’m now the Social Media Marketing Manager for a local boutique. I absolutely LOVE my job so far. It’s everything I hoped I’d find and I can’t wait to see where this experience will take me.
So, WHY did I decide to go back to work? Because working fulfills me in a way that nothing else can. Being a wife, mom, daughter, friend, homemaker fulfills me in so many ways, but not completely. I could not leave this earth with a full heart knowing that I stopped working. It’s just not me. Working is part of my identity. I need to be successful and make a difference somewhere other than my own home. Is my current job my forever job? Of course not. One day I’ll be my own boss. But for now, this is my stepping stone. It’s what I needed to save my sanity. What I needed to keep myself going. What I needed to start finding out who I really am.
I’m meant to be a working mom. A PROUD working mom.
Props to the women who dream of staying home raising babies. Y’all are the real MVP’s. Being a mom, and a stay at home mom specifically, is and always will be the hardest job I’ve ever had. But it’s not my forever. We should all find our calling in life and be able to live up to that.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this whole mom thing. Whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom, be proud, stand by your decision, and BE FULFILLED.
